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Conservatives, Gentelmen and Mars.

August 10, 2012

There are three things I can count and rely on when debating a Republican in any forum.

1. They will either start out with taking the argument to the man(In stolen Meme form usually), or do so after my first rebuttal. As soon as they go

Ad Hominem, you have won.They do not know this, because most are unfamiliar with any of the fallacious arguments. This gives me permission to do the same to them after I point out the error of their ways. I start with the C- Word and it gets much worse from their as I Photoshop their profile picture into German S and M Scat Porn and post it in various image boards and personal ads. So I can go personal as well. I am flexible, but always prefer to debate as a Gentleman.2. (Insert Random Fallacious Argument here.) Here is a list for reference.
Pick one. Always. No facts or current data. Maybe the use of a very passionate belief, dogma or tradition. Maybe a quote from a wise old grandfather.

Also prevalent use of the words “Typical” and “Common Sense.”
If the word “Theory” is used, is it done so with either intentional misuse or actually not knowing the definition. Frequented slang usage of the “Tard” or “Turd” is sprinkled throughout. You can rely on the misuse and character assassinations of the various people surround the topic by misuse of words that are either Economic, geographic and National or Political in nature. Some fine examples are Kenyan, Hawaiian (stating it isn’t a real state), communist, socialist, fascist, Islamic or Muslim (always spelled incorrectly for effect, though I am suspect) Anti-American..then always a clever stance on airplanes, 9/11 and people with a laundry on their head reference.

When painted into the corner of being wrong, they have the choice of


Admitting defeat and just saying “Well, your right. But I still want X,Y or Z. Because (personal belief system). I like this. It shows real character. I maybe be a prick in your eyes, but I am what I am. You always know where you stand with a Popeye.



They can choose to step on the delicious wet paint of Hypocrisy.

For some reason, with the exception of very few: They abandon thread and never reply to that subject again or they just step on wet paint.

3. Finally with the easy part over, I am left with their abandon thread last, dying scream of “Muh Freedom!”

But it actually sounds like them asking me to leave my country because I disagree withe their opinion which could not be supported via the art of civilized debate. We have all heard perhaps variations of this excellent request of the isolationist and rather selfish view for someone supposedly defending our fine though severely fucked up Republic. “If you don’t like it, leave it pal!” (Insert various southern insults there…depending on geography of forum.)

I never get mad on the Internet. Because that would cause my forfeiture and I would loose my internets.

But I will admit it does rustle my jimmies here.

I then ask them why as I found it very off putting. Were I still taking steroids and drinking whiskey by the gallon, here I would ask if he were a sporting man. Andrew Jackson was related, so I guess its genetic.

But as I am a gentleman now I break it down for him in loosing all the (insert Liberal, Agnostic, Atheist, Progressive, whatever) he would be loosing 90% of scientists and engineers and those people that throughout time have caused great radical change for civilizations. Eventually moving us into the next great (insert really cool thing here.) Fundamental and Extreme Far Right Conservatism has always fought against change. Granted we need a great deal of caution and surveillance on this side, as we tend to blow shit up or kill people with our little projects. But eventually we work it out without the loss of too many fingers. Next thing you know, you telling us how we need to leave the country over the Internet! The mother fucking World Wide Web! Hell, I hear there even pictures of nude women on it somewhere! Changing the way the world works, lives and plays.

So I tell them politely that it would be best for the nation, if the reverse is possible…as all my things are here and I enjoy the occasional Strip Club and Cattleman’s Steakhouse. They seem very obtuse and perhaps dare I say angry or mad here. My smile is hurting me. It is peeling the skin off my face cheek to cheek.

Never one to relish in someones emotional anguish, I leave the thread.

We took you to Mars this year. Again. We are checking it out now.

Where will you go without us? Church?


From → Politics

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